Are You an Overgiver? – Zenquility

Are You an Overgiver?

woman looking out from pile of gifts
This may be the most controversial thing that I’ve ever written. I know it’s going to strike some chords, not all happy ones. There’s a phenomenon that’s common among my peeps. Because they are naturally loving, caring, generous people, they’re at risk of this pitfall that can ruin their friendships, empty their bank accounts, and drain all their energy. All because they repeatedly break one of the Spiritual Laws. I’m sure that you’ve heard of the most popular Spiritual Law: The Law of Attraction. This is a good one, but it’s not my favorite. I actually love all the Spiritual Laws. They appeal to my taste for seeing order and purpose in everything. These “laws” are not dos & don’ts like Man’s laws but observations of how the Universe works in harmony with itself. Some people call them “Universal Laws” or “Natural Laws” instead. “Breaking” one of these laws isn’t something that deserves punishment — no Universe Police are going to show up and arrest you — but it does mean that you are acting out of harmony with the Universe. (Which, frustratingly enough, we all have the Free Will to do.) My favorite is the Law of Request, which says that you will only receive what you’ve asked for. The key is in the word “receive,” which implies not only that someone comes into your presence but that you claim it as your own. You’ll only claim the things that you know you’ve asked for; anything else may be attracted to you, but you’ll let it float by. The reason that I love the Law of Request is that it sheds light on a problem that’s common to so many of my peeps: Overgiving. Here are some signs that a person might be an overgiver:
  • Feeling unappreciated.
  • Finding herself muttering, “Why did I waste my time doing that for him/her?”
  • Lacking vital personal resources including money, time, stamina, and health.
As Abraham teaches in everything by Esther and Jerry Hicks, bad feelings like these are always a sign that one is not in the natural flow of Joy and Abundance in the Universe. The flow of Abundance is based on a cycle of giving and receiving: Every time someone is wanting to receive, there is someone else ready to give. This creates a rhythm that keeps love, money, and stuff flowing to where it’s needed. Overgiving, however, is out of sync with this natural rhythm. An overgiver tries to give when there’s no one ready to receive. She’s not just trying to put a round peg in a square hole; she’s trying to put any shaped peg in no hole. Being out of sync creates a bad feeling that surfaces as feelings like resentment, regret, and feeling unappreciated. Here are some common habits of an overgiver that instigate these bad feelings:
  • Giving gifts because “I saw this and I thought of you”
  • Offering unsolicited advice
  • Rushing to help someone who hasn’t asked
  • Trying to solve someone else’s problems by giving them money
  • Thinking more about what the other person needs than what you need — even to the detriment of your own needs
I want to stop and honor that anyone who has these habits thinks she’s acting out of love. Generosity is a virtue — to a point. Overgenerosity, however, squanders time, energy, and possibly money. It’s also an act of control. How dare I suggest that a giver’s motives are less than noble and loving? Unfortunately, we all act from places in our ego, whether it’s through overgiving or some other habit. The ego’s #1 need is control, based in the fear of what would happen if we let go and went with the flow of the Universe. Where would that flow take us? The ego is afraid to find out. That need for control manifests in countless ways, both aggressive and passive. Addressing the underlying issues of control may require the help of a healer or counselor; ThetaHealing is my favorite tool for this. What I can offer in the meantime are some suggestions for how to lovingly give in ways that will be lovingly received:
  • Before you give, ask. This gives the intended recipient a chance to open up to receive. It creates a positive energetic connection that supports the whole transaction.
  • Accept a No when it’s given. Giving to someone who has said No has the same (or greater?) potential for rejection as not asking.
  • Discuss giving in advance. Get to know who your friends are who love surprise gifts, and lavish your generosity on them. (Hopefully it’s a two-way relationship and they give to you just as generously.)
  • Redirect your giving to someone who has been asking, such as charities. They could always use the support of your love, money, time, and other resources in order to help the people they serve.
Did I strike a chord? Was it harmonic or dissonant? Post a comment below; I’m ready to receive whatever you have to give.    

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