If I could delete one phrase from the English language, I know exactly which one it would be.
It’s a pairing of two little words that, in my estimation, forces anyone who utters those words to abdicate the power they have in a given situation.
It’s a phrase that’s spoken far too often by people who mean it far more than they should. Especially us women. I cringe every time I hear myself say it.
Those two words: “I’m sorry.”
I’ve been paying attention to the use of that phrase for over a year now, and I’ve noticed a few key things about it:
1) The automatic-ness with which it’s said – how quickly it flows from someone’s mouth when no apology is necessary. For someone people it seems to be the automatic way to start a response. Have you noticed that? From now on, pay attention to how often someone (including yourself) starts a conversation or an email with “I’m sorry.”
2) How often it’s followed by a deflection of blame, e.g., “I’m sorry that I’m just calling you back; So-and-So didn’t give me the message until now.” The deflection might not even be true: I’ll admit to pretending I just saw someone’s email, even though I’ve been staring at in in my inbox for several days. When other people do it, it’s like watching a game of Hot Potato: I can see the person push that blame onto anyone else so that she doesn’t get burned.
3) Most of all I’ve noticed the hidden message behind that apology: “Don’t hate me because I made a mistake.” That is, after all, why we deflect blame – because something bad happens to people who are wrong ((according to our subconscious).
Will you join me in eradicating this plague of unnecessary sorry-ness?
Let me tell you a secret which, if you bear this in mind, will eliminate “I’m sorry” from your vocabulary in all cases except for when it’s really called for.
The first step to manifesting anything is to know what you want. It doesn’t matter we’re talking about tonight’s dinner options or your life’s purpose.
But what if you DON’T KNOW what you want? That’s a common problem, you know – especially among people who grew up hearing a lot of “because I said so” from their parents. Childhood is when human beings learn how to want and wish and expect it to come true. Some children aren’t allowed that freedom. It has nothing to do with how much money their families have, but with how their parents nurture their dreams.
So what if today, now that you’re no longer a child, you still don’t know what you want? What if you don’t know how to formulate a desire that’s purely for you – not for your family, your partner, your boss, or what society wants you to want?
First, let’s acknowledge that there’s a part of you that always has desires and know what those desires are. It’s your heart – your connection to your soul. And even at times when it feels difficult to connect with your soul, there is a way to figure out what it (you) wants.
In fact, there are multiple ways, but I stumbled upon something new and so crystal clear that I was stunned I hadn’t seen it before.
I like to think that the best teachers never stop being students.
I don’t think I’m alone in that. It seems like it might be a famous quote, probably one that’s been shared around Facebook.
I hope it’s true because I know that I never want to stop learning. How I learn and who I learn from varies a lot. Not only do I study with coaches and teachers and take workshops, I also pay a lot of attention to other people.
My teachers aren’t just people up on stage or in webinars. They are also my peers, my colleagues, and even my clients.
One of my great teachers is my friend Nneka Kelly of Working Mystic. Nneka (pronounced EN-nuh-kuh) and I have been accountability partners for the past year. We’ve met weekly to share triumphs, challenges, and an occasional trade secret of our businesses, so I get to see a lot of how she does things behind the scenes – not just in strategies and tactics, but more importantly in who she is as a business owner.
One reason I watch Nneka is because she is a fellow follower of The Teachings of Abraham. I can hear how Abraham’s teachings are integrated into how Nneka thinks, speaks, and acts. And I see the results that she gets in her business and her personal life, so I pay close attention to what she does, watching for those nuances I have yet to grasp directly from the material.
You may noticed that I’ve written a lot lately about the Spiritual Laws – the laws by which our Universe naturally operates. I do this because when we know these laws and work in alignment with them, anything we want to do in life is not only easier but results in something better than we could have possibly imagined.
It’s one thing to understand the Laws intellectually, but the big question is, How does a person get into alignment with them?
The answer is relatively simple: Decide.
Call it whatever you want – decision, alignment, choice, etc. The fact is, before you make a real decision – while you’re stuck in indecision, weighing options, waffling, and waiting to feel perfectly good about something, nothing happens. You’re not giving the Universe anything to respond to, so it waits patiently for you to make a clear choice. It’s only when you make a choice and take some kind of action that your energy finally moves – and then everything else can move in response.
Do you know about the Spiritual Laws?
They’re one of my favorite topics; I’ve been studying them for almost ten years – ever since my dear friend Peggy first introduced me to the Teachings of Abraham. Life started making so much more sense (and working out for my benefit!) when I began to see the order and logic with which it operates.
As one of my readers you’re probably familiar with the Teachings of Abraham, LOA teachings offered by Esther Hicks and her late husband Jerry. (And if you’re not familiar with them, take this as your synchronistic cue to get familiar.)
Ask and It Is Given was my second introduction to the Law of Attraction, after watching “The Secret” several times when it first came out. Soon after that I attended one of their Law of Attraction workshops and then subscribed to their monthly CD series.